These are the flowers I was talking about yesterday. They look prettier in person, but the colours were really nice to wake up to this morning. I love the smell too haha. It was a really nice gesture by my mom to welcome me home and try to lift my mood since I told her about my depression.
Today is pretty much just a lazy day, haven’t really done too much. The weather outside just makes you want to curl up into a ball and sleep. The roads are extremely slippery too, so many accidents on the highway today. Luckily I got picked up yesterday and beat the snow. Hopefully, those that are driving out in this weather today stay safe! Drive slow and make sure to leave with giving yourself lot’s of time to get where you need to go.
Sometimes I feel like the depression has passed, but then it comes back in waves. I feel either really sad for no reason or really empty these days. Occasionally i’ll get some joy out of something like watching my dogs try to walk in boots, but it’s temporary. I don’t know, sometimes it feels like i’m going to be stuck feeling this way forever. It’s kind of like my brain goes back and reflects on moments where i’ve been hurt or let down by people or things. I wish my mind wouldn’t do that to me. I don’t feel as much anxiety today, but I do feel more “down” than the past couple days. It’s like they take turns or something.
All I want for Christmas is for this depression to go away. I don’t want money or gifts, just to be healthy and truly happy again. I want myself back. It’s so hard for me to hear from other people “oh, what do you want for Christmas this year?”, because in all honesty i’m not even looking forward to it. I just want to feel free from all this and get a sense of enjoyment out of things.
I really don’t feel too motivated to do any work today, but I know I have to start soon or else i’ll be even more screwed when I go back to school and write my exams. Hope others are faring well though!