I spoke to a friend of mine a few nights ago, someone who I had the pleasure of knowing for a limited time but has made a huge impact on me tonight. He reminded me that you can’t compare a dime to a nickel. It put things into perspective for me to be reminded that I have so much to offer the world and to others, I can’t let things continue to hold me back because of my fears.
He told me to check out an inspiring documentary on Netflix called- “Tony Robbins- I am not your Guru”. At first I was skeptical of the whole “life coach” idea, i’m not into the whole “guru” and “10 steps to being happy” bullcrap that is often cycled in our society, giving people false hope that there are “no weeds out there” and “life is all happy and dandy all the freaking time”. It’s the confidence in his voice that first strikes you and the bluntness he presents his way of thinking. Take this quote, one of the first things you hear when he speaks to an individual who is depressed.
One quote that struck me like a bullet in the film was this:
“If you’re going to blame people for all of the #@!& then you better blame them for all the good too”- Tony Robbins
We’re all guilty of it. We all look to blame others when something goes wrong in our life or our shortcomings as individuals. But none of us ever stop to blame someone for the good that happens because of them.
Blaming for the Negative: “Oh I failed my exam because I spent too much time with you”
Blaming for the Positive: “Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is”
I think one of the things I took out from the documentry was the recurring theme that in almost all situations, a person’s parents have had a significant contribution to their view of the world. Almost all the challenges that participants raised started with something we learned as a child from our parents, both the good or the bad. It’s when we start to challenge these views we get from our parents, then change starts to begin.
I think one of the most powerful but simple exercises presented in the film was the flood exercise. In which the point is to look back on events that have happened in the past that carries pain. These are the moments in our past that hold us back and it is only when we revisit them that we can remake new decisions on what the moments actually mean. I think for me one of the most painful events was the experience of rejection from people I cared about growing up. I was always too hard on myself and never gave myself the love I deserved. I always took it to heart that in order to feel loved you have to be loved by someone else. Thinking about it, the only person that should make you feel deserving of love is yourself. Having someone else love you is a bonus. I spend so much time thinking about how to please other people, that I never stop to think about “how do I please Megan?”. It’s now when i’ve started to let go of these feelings of being rejected (and the fear of it), that I feel like i’m can start the process of moving forward. But to create these moments of change you have to flood your body and experience all the emotions. Put your hand on your heart, what a powerful organ. It’s the beating force of our entire life, and it’s thumping changes tempo based on how we feel.
It’s well known that all of us in life have small problems that we want to get rid of. One young lady opens about her problem with her diet and how she feels she fails to eat at the right times. Initially, it seems like a trivial challenge, but as Tony digs a little deeper, it becomes evident that small problems are often mask much bigger problems. When Tony keeps drilling her as to why and who she is doing all of this for she reveals that it’s her dad’s drug problem that has affected her the most growing up. Tony points out the fact that we all have problems but for some reason we all feel that we shouldn’t have any.
What many of us fail to realize is that without problems, there is nowhere to grow from and nothing to drive us forward to make better decisions that will change our model of the world. When we focus on the little problems like diet, we really use it as a mechanism to stay away from the big scary problems, which in the end just holds us back.
I’ve been struggling so deeply with my depression over the past few months and not only trying to understand so many things happening around me but also people around me. I’m angry at myself for letting myself get walked over, for taking crap I should never have taken, and for giving my control to someone else. Why did I spend so much time trying to please someone else and work on making them happy, when the truth is happiness starts within yourself and knowing what you want, and never once did I step back and examine what I needed. I’ve always been motivated, hard-working, and passionate about making a difference in everything around me, but overtime I let someone else slowly take away my shine and drown me into someone who became confused about what I seemingly knew I wanted, made me double think things I was sure about, drained my confidence, and question what my values were. I loved this person, and there’s a part of me that still does, but there come’s a point where I needed to learn to stand up for myself and take my power and happiness back into my hands. No one can expect someone else to make them feel truly happy and I know the only way people can learn to be happy is by learning to be happy on my own. We’re all the master’s of our future, and while I believe in the concept of fate, I also know we have some control over our destined paths.
Do yourself a HUGE favour and watch it with an open mind. You can’t lose and if anything you’ll take at least one thing out of the film. I should warn you to be prepared for massive lows and then for highs that you never thought you would feel watching a documentary.