I thought things would be different this time. I thought I wouldn’t be put in a position where I didn’t have to deal with things alone again. That their promise to do differently this time around meant something. Why am I the one left to pick up the pieces and left to clean up things on my own?
Instead I feel the same as last time, alone to pick up the pieces to deal with the aftermath and deal with other complications. It makes me sad to think about and to deal with knowing their support could be used during a time like this, when there’s not many to turn to. It’s like that part of you yearns to know that they care enough to be there and to see you through. Maybe it’s asking for too much, to know that they care enough to reach out or help me figure out the next steps or even just be there for me.
I thought they meant it when they said they would be there for me and we’d get through this together. There’s not manual for these kinds of things. No instructions on what people should and shouldn’t do or thing’s we should say or avoid. Things have been crazy, chaotic, stressful, and difficult, for everyone involved, but I really thought they’d be here when I needed them. Maybe it’s too much to expect. But there’s always that small part of me that believes that they’ll be there.