Finding Yourself.

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There are holes inside each of us that long to be filled. Needs that we desire to have met. For by filling the void, we don’t have to feel the emptiness that resides there after losing someone you loved.

The hole can represent the need to seek approval, the yearn for someones affection, one that needs the sense of security knowing someone is there or one that longs for a form of validation that make us feel like we are enough.

There’s time in our life where we all search desperately for ways in which we can “fill the void”—an aching, often empty, bottomless pit that encompasses your entire soul, that nagging feeling of needing something that if you don’t find and keep leaves you feeling like you’re incomplete.

Many of us tend to fill the voids that grapples our soul with unhealthy things. We latch on to the affection and attention of other people,  get involved in the wrong kind of relationships thinking you’ll find what you need, take drugs and drink too much, have casual sex, overeat on unhealthy foods, or spend stupid amounts of money believing that if we find the right stuff to fill ourselves with, the empty feeling inside of you will fade away.

But the truth is, none of these things work in the long run.

Oftentimes, we try to fill it with love from another person. Because deep down we don’t love ourselves the way we should. They go from one relationship to the next, with no time in between to be alone with themselves, to understand their self and learn to become resilient and strong on their own. All this in a effort to keep the emptiness inside of them filled so they don’t have to deal with the unresolved issues or the lack of self-love inside of themselves. I now understand why people cheat. The person they are in a relationship can’t fill the void, so they seek to have it filled elsewhere.

This is why so many men and women go from marriages into affairs, then right into a relationship with the affair person. Their spouse can’t fill the hole, so they look to someone else to fill it. That person fills it for awhile and makes them believe it’s not them; it was the person they were with. Until that relationship starts to show its own wear and tear—and ultimately falls apart.

And once again, they are left alone with themselves.

And the gaping hole that fills their soul.

And so the patten of trying to fill the void repeats.

The cold and hard realization: There is absolutely nobody who can fill that void inside of me but me.

It was excruciatingly painful learning to be apart from someone I loved and still love so much. And it has left me with a hole in my heart that was so big that sometimes I questions whether it can ever be filled.

For the first time in my life, instead of denying the pain or trying to stuff it down with unhealthy foods, I’ve decided to walk straight into it. I don’t want to run out and try to find someone else to replace someone who used to be there. I’ve just let the pain in, and it’s been hard let me tell you.

That if I can learn to get through this without latching  onto someone else to fill the loneliness and emptiness that fills all of me or use some other man to validate my desirability, I will learn to truly love and appreciate myself for who I am. To know I can learn to stand on my own, rather than rely on someone else to temporarily ease the pain. I want to feel whole and complete and perfect just being with me again. And the only way I will ever get there is to do it alone.

 

I’m still struggling on how to fill the void that now fills where my heart used to be, but i’m learning to embrace myself.

M