Big Bad Anxiety.

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To be honest I never really understood what anxiety did to an individual until today. While out shopping I had one of the most embarrassing and scary moments of my life. I experienced a full on anxiety attack in the middle of the food court full of Christmas shoppers and other guests.

I was all of a sudden flooded with overthinking recent events and thoughts of previous memories and slowly began to feel like I had tunnel vision in my eyes.I started to feel incredibly hot, constricted, and felt like my chest was tightening making it hard to breathe. Then I broke down and couldn’t understand what was going on. Luckily, I was prepared and had Clonazepam with me. Thankfully, it helped calm me down but I can definitely see why the drug is controlled with how many are prescribed at a time and how it is monitored. The quick reaction time helped calm me down within half an hour. But while it helped calm me down it also makes me incredibly sleepy.

Thankfully, I wasn’t alone this time and I’m so glad I was prepared. Lately, busy and familiar places have been highly triggering of my anxiety. I was never really an anxious person until after all the events that unfolded but it makes me more anxious to now it can come on suddenly like that.

I also realize I can’t live a life where I rely on medication to support me. I have really been trying to work on meditation but sometimes it can be difficult to really get into and focus. I also know the importance of deep breaths, which did help to some extent, but I know things like cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) are most important in changing the way I think. I think going into 2017, I really want to try to get into CBT and actually practicing it every day. Working through various exercises in an effort to get to the root of the problem. I know it’ll be a slow process but it looks promising and I have to believe that something will pull me out of this dark period.

M