First Clinical Shift.

I’ve honestly never felt so overwhelmed in my life entering the clinical portion of my program. Friday was my first day as a level 2 clinical student! I finally reached a big milestone in working with actual patients :O It’s crazzzzzy how much nurse’s know and the things that are expected of us. I mean I always knew it wasn’t an easy jbo, but when you actually see what goes on behind the scenes, it’s eye opening. Don’t get me wrong, I was completely excited by the opportunity to finally be in hospital, but i’m also so nervous to be…

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International Women’s Day.

Regardless if you are male, female, or identify with none of the above, I encourage you to wear red today. This isn’t about being an American, it’s about standing in solidarity with all our fellow sisters wherever they be in this world. We live in a world where many women don’t have the right to do things such as vote, receive an education, or drive. We also live in a society where women’s work is looked down upon and are paid less to the dollar for the same work that our male counterparts do. A society in which men feel they…

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The Blues.

Sigh. I don’t know why i’m feeling so blue today. Maybe blue isn’t the right word, I guess i’m just feeling exceptionally down and anxious for a combination of factors I have yet to understand. I guess to put it in more understandable terms, i’m feeling a 4.5/10 today, with 10 being extremely happy. I’m not even sure when I began to feel this way, it’s been building up over the past week or two and today it’s reached a peak. It’s exhausting feeling this way and it’s hard to force a smile when you feel so pained. Yesterday was…

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The Two Year Mark

Hello? To be honest I’m not quite sure how I want to start off this entry. There have been so many times in the past few weeks that I have tossed and turned in bed wanting to write out the thoughts running through my mind, but yet I tried to hush these thoughts in an effort to help me fall asleep. I wanted to make a post today though, I think two years is a pretty significant mark, my journey is still ongoing and every year is a sign of (hopeful) progress. It also makes me realize how much of…

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Summertime.

Hello again, It’s been awhile. I must say quite a few life changes have happened over the past few months. I am now officially a graduate from Western. It’s bittersweet really, a lot of tears, sweat, and  love went into making this opportunity even possible. It’s quite frightening how fast four years passes, and it gives me even more anxiety to even think about what the future has in store for me. Even more so, the thought of having to pay off debt and find a stable job seems to me the most worrisome for me these days. It’s also…

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The happiness project.

Decided to take on a new project today while roaming around my school’s bookstore. I randomly came across the journal section and stumbled upon a journal called “The Happiness Project”. Essentially, it is a 5 year journal, where you only write one sentence a day. It’ll be cool once the journal is finished as it will have captured my life for the past five years and reflect on what’s changed. In the end I will have written one sentence for 365 days, and captured 1,825 moments or thoughts. I think its pretty neat, and it was only 20 dollars for this…

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The One Year Mark

It’s been one year since that fateful day where I decided to seek help for what I was struggling with. It’s scary to realize how fast time flies and how much has changed in that one year. I’ve begun to find that happy place where I was once and have gotten back to being passionate about many things I was once passionate about.  I have reached a much better place than where I was last year at this time and it’s largely thanks to those who stuck by me during those dark times. I now have control over my life…

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R.I.P. Robin Williams

With the passing of Robin Williams, who I personally was one of the greatest comedians and actors or his generation, its brings attention to an often stigmatized and hidden issue in our society. Its truly devastating to see someone who brought so much joy and talent to the world struggle so much in private. With his passing I hope some light and discussion can be shed on mental health issues, particularly since so many of us suffer in silence, too afraid to reach out for help. Having suffered through my own struggles with severe depression, I have gone through and…

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Day: I’ve Lost Count

So many of you have probably wondered what has happened to me over the past few months, and where have I been hiding. To be honest, i’ve been so tired from work and going out all the time i’ve had little time to write about how i’ve been feeling. Don’t get me wrong, i’ve felt incredibly guilty for not updating in awhile. There has been a lot on my mind lately that I needed to get off my chest. “So how’s the depression going miss?”, by now you would think that I would be fine and everything would be dandy.…

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Hola!

It’s been forever since I have last written. I have just been extremely busy with school and other commitment and of course trying to get better. It’s been an up and down ride. Sometimes I honestly feel great, like I am back to normal, but then there are days that seem dark and hopeless. I think my biggest fear is that I will never be able to conquer this, that I will live the rest of my life feeling this way. Honestly at this rate, I am just looking forward to summer in a few short weeks. I could really…

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Days 36-43

It’s been a bumpy ride coming back to school. I do feel the weather has had an impact on my mood, plus not constantly being surrounded by people has also been a little difficult. However, I am in a much better place compared to where I was in December. I have now moved from the severe depression category to the mild depression category. It does give me hope, but at the same time I wish it would just go away and I would feel normal and happy again. I also saw the doctor yesterday and we upped the dosage of…

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Day 23-35

Hola! Long time no talk…or write. So I just got back from Costa Rica serving on a Global Health medical mission! It was an awesome experience and I learned so much from the people in those communities and got to immerse myself into a new culture. It’s so refreshing to see how people can persevere and still be happy with what they have, even if it doesn’t equate to much. Seeing how families would put their kids first when it came to distributing appointments, even if it meant that they couldn’t be seen for their own medical issues. We went…

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Day 18-22

Well it’s been awhile! Toronto had a major ice storm come through and create havoc for thousands of people across the region. Lost power for two days! I did get a bit lazy though when the power did end up coming back haha. I was fortunate though, there are some people that I know of that have lost power for longer and still don’t have it back. It’s a pretty rough time to have something like that happen, not everyone was fortunate to have a Christmas dinner and it’s really cold these days. The house at it’s lowest went to…

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Day 17

Today was pretty quiet, went out for a quick all you can eat sushi lunch. I didn’t feel as “depressed” today, just kind of neutral I would say.  Not so much anxiety either, which was kind of nice. I mostly feel stressed when I think about going back to school and having to write the finals I postponed. Hopefully, i’ll be able to get in some study time when I get back to school. I don’t think I will have much time to study when I am in Costa Rica. For the most part I was incredibly tired when I…

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Day 16

Finished my puzzle today! Took three days and 1000 pieces later + a sore back and bruised knees. It feels nice to accomplish something like this though 🙂 Here’s the finished product: Also saw my counsellor today. Mostly talked about how things were going and what some of my thoughts were. He suggested I would be a good match for peer support groups, but he will need to get back to me on a group in London. There’s a nice program called WRAP (http://www.mentalhealthrecovery.com/wrap/) that would be beneficial for anyone experiencing any form of mental health issues. It’s for both…

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Day 15

Feeling a little less depressed today and not much in terms of feeling anxious. Saw a psychiatrist today. Seemed like a pretty good fit for me. He talked about how he will use some hypnosis, as well as some cognitive-behavioural therapy. We also discussed some of my thoughts including my need to want to be the “best” or “perfect”. Almost like God, like nothing is ever good enough or I have to be better than other people. We also talked about how I have a need to get everyone to like me, so I go out of my way to…

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Day 14

Two official weeks since being diagnosed with major depression have passed already. It’s crazy to think how far i’ve come in these few weeks. The tears and negative thoughts have stopped for the most part. I have a little bit more energy and my concentration is slowly coming back. I still feel kind of isolated and withdrawn, but hopefully that will change in the next bit. I definitely don’t feel anxious today, I haven’t really felt that depressed either. I also kind of got a good sleep yesterday for the most part too, which was a nice change from the…

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Day 13

Woke up a few times throughout the night as usual. Still rough trying to sleep through most of the night, miss those days. Saw the family doctor today though, she decided to up my dosage since the two week mark is when you know whether or not how effective the medicine will be usually. It has been positive so far in stabilizing my mood maybe moving me from a 5 to a 6.5/10, but thats as much as it will probably go on 10mg, so now we’re on to 15mg. She did a depression test like thing and I was…

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Day 12

Woke up bright and early to meet a family friend, who was going to take me to meet her trainer friend. He was supposed to teach me some exercises to elevate my mood and energy levels, as well as learning some ways to eat healthier. However, plans fell through so it will be rescheduled for sometime later this week. I feel a little less tired today, but I didn’t really sleep that well last night. Not as much anxiety today wither, more just feeling down still. Will probably bring it up to the doctor tomorrow when I see her and…

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Day 11

Hello there! These are the flowers I was talking about yesterday. They look prettier in person, but the colours were really nice to wake up to this morning. I love the smell too haha. It was a really nice gesture by my mom to welcome me home and try to lift my mood since I told her about my depression. Today is pretty much just a lazy day, haven’t really done too much. The weather outside just makes you want to curl up into a ball and sleep. The roads are extremely slippery too, so many accidents on the highway…

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