Day 10

Home today! It’s nice to be home and have actual home cooked meals once again. Plus I got to see my other dog since he’s to hyper to sit in a car for two hours to come stay with me at school. My mom bought be flowers for my arrival home, I will take a picture tomorrow. They look really pretty. I’m still pretty tired, hopefully this will subside soon because it’s pretty exhausting being tired all the time. I still need to work on making my sleep schedule more consistent and stop waking up in the middle of the…

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Day 9

Not going to lie, feeling pretty tired today. Sometimes I feel like the depression is passing, and then you get moments where you feel empty and devoid of emotion. Always seems like i’m bored, but I don’t feel like doing anything. It’s kind of sad to be honest. I guess today isn’t really one of the “good days” people talk about. Other than that, i’m preparing to go home for the winter break tomorrow. Was hoping to get some studying done before the week was over but I don’t think it’s going to happen. It’s been pretty hard to gather…

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Day 8

I’ve been feeling a little better today. Was the first time in a while that I haven’t felt exhausted waking up, wish I could have slept for a bit longer though. Had to quickly run to campus and drop off my final assignment, man was it slippery outside. Note to self: don’t wear UGGS in this kind of weather. Saw the psychologist today and had a good discussion on self-esteem and how being associated to narcissists can really impact how you view yourself. It’s kind of depressing, since oftentimes people like people (a.k.a the pushover) generally attract those kind of…

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Day 7

It’s been one whole week since the official diagnosis of major depression. The one week follow up appointment is today, it’ll be strange to sit in the office i’m sure. It’s nice that I haven’t shed a single tear since Thursday. I hope its a sign that the drug has started to kick in, I am feeling a little less anxious lately, but I still feel like it comes in waves at some point. Now i’m just waiting for the energy and concentration to kick in, hopefully that will come back by the end of the week. Overall though, I…

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Day 6

I’m starting to feel a little bit better each passing day. Today I will be seeing a counsellor and my psychologist. I think I have decided to hold off on writing the exam on Saturday. The first counsellor said in about a month I should feel myself again, so sometime when I am in Costa Rica I should have more good days than bad days. I’m still pretty tired I would have to admit and it’s pretty hard to concentrate still, but I feel a little less anxious and sad. I think i have decided to hold off on the…

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Day 5

I was talking to someone yesterday about my antics from the last two months and how they had felt like it had negatively impacted thier life. In essence, I had been really clingy to them during a time when they needed to focus on something highly important in their life. It’s a strange feeling to be depressed though, having someone you enjoy talking to pull away is a very alarming feeling. It’s like you feel a sense of panic and get anxious when they ask you to give them some space, when normally you wouldn’t feel that way. It’s like…

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Day 4

Guess who came to comfort me for the week? 🙂 It’s nice to see this familiar face and get to cuddle with her. There’s something always refreshing about having your dog by your side. I really have to thank my family friend for being kind enough to drive her up and spend the weekend with me. I just feel really tired since I decided to reach out and get diagnosed, I get especially tired around mid-afternoon. It can be hard to hold up a conversation since I just feel kind of tired all the time. I haven’t really had a…

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Day 3

Yesterday was okay, I made it through the day without a single tear shed. I still felt really anxious for the majority of the day and I was so exhausted sitting through all my classes. I had to take a 2 hour nap in between the two lectures, which I normally wouldn’t have done. I still sometimes have moments where I feel like I just want to yell at something or someone. It’s hard to not get irritated. I feel happy for the people who have helped me through the past few weeks, especially to my sister and roommate. It’s…

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Day 2

I lie awake in bed again, all day I have felt this anxious sensation in the pit of my stomach. My mind keeps tormenting itself by having flashbacks to some of the cruel things people have said to me in recent times. It really hurt to be called crazy, it stings so much still. I know i’m not crazy, but sometimes it feels like it with all the stupid/foolish/embarassing decisions you made because your mind was all fogged up. I feel broken. I feel like I was punched directly in the heart. I feel tempted to cry, but i’m honestly…

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Day 1

It’s been one day since the official diagnosis. I couldn’t fall asleep last night, I just had so many thoughts racing through my head over what I was feeling and what was going on. The amount of support and love from my family and friends was highly overwhelming for me to be honest. I had to wake up for 9 am to go see the Academic Counsellor about what I could do about finals and my courses. It’s almost kind of defeating to say that I have no confidence, energy, or concentration to write my final exams. I’ve always been…

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