New Beginnings.

It’s been an eventful year to say the least. It’s also crazy to think about the mental/emotional place I was this time last year and to see where I am today. Last year I was broke, riddled with anxiety and depression, and unsure of where I was going in life. Today I am confident, happy, and motivated to stay on the journey I have found myself on.  I have tried to live 2017  to the fullest- I mean this in every way possible. I experienced joy, love, adventure, and great blessings with my entire soul. Even in the most difficult…

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The Power of Empathy!

It’s not so much about sympathizing with people and making them feel better with things or with stories to please their ego. It’s about getting to the core of things with people. Connecting with them, feeling what they are feeling, relating to them and bringing no judgement into the situation at all. Next time you are the ear that listens, provide words that don’t fulfill an ego/mind story and see how much of a difference it makes for the other person.   Cheers, M    

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A Letter to the Baby Nurses.

Right now, there is a baby nurse who is searching online and deep inside for an answer. There is a brand new member of the profession who is questioning her calling. There is a newly-minted graduate who wonders how school seemed to teach her everything and nothing all at the same time. There is a greener-than-grass new hire who is praying that she doesn’t kill somebody at work tomorrow, and wonders if she already did yesterday. Dearest baby nurse, don’t let this scary new world drag you down. You’re going to have moments when you are sitting on a toilet…

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Finding My Path.

Ah, finally I can sit in peace and focus on writing a blog post. I can’t believe i’m already back in schools ready for round 2. Summer seems like a blur and it’s probably because of all the schooling and work I had to undertake to get caught up. I’m proud to say i’m finished my Master’s (at least until Results day in November). All 14,998 words. I must say finishing my physiology course and having to jump straight into finishing my dissertation was a rough go. Why I thought it was a good idea to work 40-55 hours a…

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Depression and Art.

Why hello there! It sure has been awhile, but man has this summer flown by (thanks to full time work, summer school, running, and well more school stuff!). I haven’t had time to blog much or think about stuff besides physiology and finishing my dissertation. But luckily things are slowly wrapping up…just in time for more school to start…HAH! Luckily i’ve received word i’ve passed my physiology course but that gives me little time to celebrate since I still have to tie up the lose ends of my dissertation, prepare for my next runs and moving back to school…. Tis…the…

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Breathe.

Lately I have been anxious: unbearably anxious at times. Maybe it is all of the impending changes in my life. The next nine months of my life. Reflections of the past year triggering flashbacks. Or maybe it is just my damn anxiety disorder, but whatever it is I find myself on almost constantly on edge. My heart has been racing and my mind has been chasing after random thoughts and barely formulated ideas unable to concentrate on the tasks in front of me. I am afraid of a monster I cannot see, of a future I cannot predict, of the…

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You Can Save a Life.

I realize this post won’t be for everyone on my friends list, but I hope it might encourage some of you to consider donating. I grew up TERRIFIED of needles, I was that girl that would cry every time I had to get a shot. I’ll be honest, needles still erk me, but I know that getting over my fears means someone else gives someone else a chance to live and that to me is a small price to pay. The Canadian Blood Services is in dire need of donations for the upcoming long weekend (ie. The goal is 150,000 donations),…

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The Numbers Game.

I can’t believe it’s already been two years since I graduated from Western! To be honest, I debated whether I should share these pictures because on some level I do feel self-conscious despite the pictures not necessarily being representative of how I look now. I added 5 pictures to showcase how far i’ve come in 4 short years mentally, physically, and emotionally, with the first picture being where I started from. There is a picture for each of the past four years. I know regardless of how I look in those pictures, it doesn’t take away from my character, my…

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Never Miss a Day.

Many of you know I’ve never been a runner but most of you also probably don’t know one of the main reasons why I run is how I am choosing to take control of my battles with depression. This summer I want to reclaim running. I strayed away from running for many years for fear that the negative thoughts would be triggered. Thoughts like I was too slow, too fat, too tired, or thoughts that I just wasn’t made to run. But since i’ve started running, nothing beats the sound of my feet pounding on the pavement, the sun hitting my…

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Learning from Darkness.

I think we all feel helpless when grief and sorrow strike us or the ones we love. I’ve also come to accept that there is no time limit or one-step method to deal with this process. We all process grief or loss in our own unique ways and I don’t necessarily believe there will ever be a one size fits all method to deal with it. Oftentimes, we don’t know what to do with loss– how to work through it. And so we let it sit with us and cloud our vision and burden our hearts. But deep down what…

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Pushing Forward.

For everything I have to be sad about I have 20 others things to be grateful for in my life. I worked my butt off this year in my first year of nursing and despite all the challenges that landed on my plate I was able to push hard and come out with some pretty decent grades. I did in the end have to drop anatomy and physiology, but luckily I had a supportive team who have allowed me to complete the physiology component over the summer at Western to allow me to compliment my previous anatomy courses. I never thought…

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Self-Love is the Most Important Kind of Love.

This morning I woke up feeling down and sad about the actions of someone else.  So today, I decided to try something different. I made a list of all the great things about myself as a personal reminder that I don’t deserve to feel down because of someone else’s actions. I am kind to others I am generous and helpful I make people laugh I brighten moods I am caring I am empathetic I can sense people’s moods I am thoughtful I am helpful I step up to the plate when no one else does and take the blame so…

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The story of Resuscitation Bed 1.

Here are 3 remarkable true stories about the very same bed space in our emergency department. Resuscitation Bed 1. The first story I wrote after an incident with a colleague at work. The second two were written responses to that story…… ——————– I was working with Nurse K in resuscitation today. K has only been working in ‘The Sus’ for a few shifts now, and as we chatted she mentioned that Resuscitation Bed 1 had some special significance for her. “Oh?” I said, “How come?” She told me that when she was 10 years old her mother came into our…

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The Woman Who Put Men On The Moon.

MARGARET HAMILTON WASN’T supposed to invent the modern concept of software and land men on the moon. It was 1960, not a time when women were encouraged to seek out high-powered technical work. Hamilton, a 24-year-old with an undergrad degree in mathematics, had gotten a job as a programmer at MIT, and the plan was for her to support her husband through his three-year stint at Harvard Law. After that, it would be her turn—she wanted a graduate degree in math. But the Apollo space program came along. And Hamilton stayed in the lab to lead an epic feat of…

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When One Door Closes.

If there is any statement that is more true in life it is that – when one door closes other doors will open. I’ve come to the realization that there are so many different opportunities and directions to go in life that doors are always waiting for you to go through them and experience what is beyond them. You just have to choose which ones you want to go through and which ones you want to leave behind. Last summer, after my major bout of depression I found out I would not be able to go back to my summer…

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What My Depression Has Taught Me.

I thought I would finally start blogging a little more about my experiences with mental illness now that I am feeling a bit more motivated again. So I think the best place to start is begin to tackle some of the topics i’ve wanted to write about for the past while. I know i’m not going to hit every point I want to make in this post, but I think it’s a start and I know that I still have much to learn in the coming years. So here’s to a post about some of the things i’ve learned not…

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Reflections.

A few nights ago, I had a really heartfelt chat with someone I consider pretty close to me and someone I’ve grown to become protective over in making sure they were okay. It was in this conversation that the pointed out some of the qualities I have that I never really think about and why I do or express things the way I have. I never really gave my actions a second thought, but for me it’s a natural instinct to go over and check on people. To ask questions and to follow my gut feeling if something doesn’t feel…

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