Life with Depression.

How many times in my life I have heard people say “but you’re always smiling” or “you’re just using it as an excuse to get out of doing something” or “everybody gets sad, so you need to get over it.”.  Why would I want to live a life purposefully where I feel like crap for weeks on end? Yes, I do get sad like a normal person. It’s normal to be sad going through a break up, failing an exam, or losing someone you love. What is NOT normal is feeling sad and empty for weeks on end and not…

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A New Chapter.

I lie awake in bed tonight unable to fall asleep. I feel an intense rush of emotion knowing that tomorrow I will be back on the other side of the Atlantic having finished my stint in London pursuing my master’s. It’s really bittersweet to be honest. I always thought this day would be a lot farther than it would be. I still remember the first week I landed in London, how much doubt I carried about myself and my choice to move so far from my family and loved ones. How insecure I was to have to meet new people…

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The return.

I can’t help but feel ashamed sometimes about struggling with mental health issues. My depression and anxiety has been crippling since around the time I lost both my  dogs earlier this year. It finally reached a breaking point, a point I had hoped to never see again. Today I had to call into work because I feel overwhelming anxiety and crippled by my depression. It makes me even more depressed to know I that it makes me seem weak. In all honesty, I feel let down. I feel stupid to have let things get to this point. People ask what my…

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Stress Analyst

Feeling a tad bit stressed today? Check out this website I came upon today that I thought I would share with everyone. http://www.relaxonline.me.uk/sa1/index.html This interactive page will walk you through the steps of how to calm down and get over the anxious/worried feelings you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed with. Take it as an analyzation of your thoughts and stressors. Whats even better is that it is completely anonymous and your use of the website helps research in the sense they can track your stress levels to see how effective the program really is. You don’t even have to…

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Crazy Ride of a Year

I must say social media has provided me with a great platform to not only get my thoughts and feelings into the world, but to also share my thoughts on particular issues as expressed through my coursework that I have completed in my undergrad. It’s been heartwarming to see some of the personal messages people have sent me through Twitter saying how they’ve enjoyed reading my blog. It’s also been a big year for me, today I finally passed the viewers mark that I set last year. It’s crazy to think that i’ve already surpassed last year in terms of…

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Random Acts of Kindness Day.

Tomorrow is the ‘official’ RAK day, we should all take a moment to do something kind for the people around us, whether we know them personally or not on a regular basis. What a good start though. Being kind doesn’t mean you have to spend ‘money’ on someone, it could be as simple as waiting to hold the door open for someone who is a bit behind you or giving an extra tip for someone who served you that morning coffee or bagel. It could be helping someone pick up something they dropped walking or even buying a drink for someone who…

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Stay.

It’s been two days and the grief has yet to subside. It comes in waves, one minute i’m perfectly fine minding my own business and doing my assignments, the next minute i’m tearing up. They say time heals all wounds and I know it’ll take time for the raw emotions to pass, but at this point it just hurts to think about the fact that he’s just not with us anymore. I guess for some people I might seem irrational or sensitive, but if you’ve ever had a dog they really do become apart of your family. Think about older…

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All dogs go to heaven.

“Nobody can fully understand the meaning of love unless he’s owned a dog. A dog can show you more honest affection with a flick of his tail than a man can gather through a lifetime of handshakes.” -Gene Hill Today I let go of one of my closest friends, a family member and a loving soul that will be hard to not forget. It happened so quickly, I thought I would have time to say my goodbye but the cancer spread too quickly. Within 3 weeks he was gone, two weeks short of when I would have been coming home. Before…

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Goals.

This year I decided to post my goals for 2016 to my blog in hopes that it’ll keep me in line and hold me accountable 🙂 Find a new passion, I want to work to be toned and healthy. I’m hoping to run a 5km race by the fall. Read one happiness quote a day to reinforce the fact that i’m awesome :D. Finish my Master’s on a high note. Focus on my blog and taking small steps to helps others going through a similar struggle and continue to create conversation surrounding mental illness. I want to spread kindness, maybe…

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The Unknown.

I seem to be growing up in a generation that doesn’t know how to appreciate what is in front of them, but also in a generation that is based off of anxieties and fears of the unknown, or the future some may call it. Whether it’s in our academic achievement, career possibilities, or even the relationships we have, we as a collective are surrounded by the fear of the unknown. Always thinking about whether this is it or what is the next step or what else is there. We never take a moment to appreciate what we already have right…

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“Snap out of it”

A few days ago I had someone close to me tell me that my battle with depression was nothing but “sadness” and that I needed to “get the f*** over it” and to just “stop”. That i’m faking it and trying to gain sympathy from them in hopes that they will pity me and care for me.  Words have never hurt so bad. I can’t even deny that this would be the first time this has happened to me over the past two years. Never have I felt so shut down by the person who once would give up their world for…

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Photograph.

There’s something about photographs that’s been lost with my generation. All our photos seem to be stored on our computers, phones, hard drives. It wasn’t until I went through the effort of actually printing photos out again did I realize how powerful they are at capturing how you felt at that moment. Sure, many of them are faked for the moment, but the context surrounding the photo itself was always memorable. Whether it was attending an event, looking back at graduation and how proud I was of myself, or looking at photos of family and loved ones. How even in…

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The death of a relationship.

We started off long distance and we finished off long distance. Take it from someone whose relationship once consisted of mainly of FaceTime calls, snapchats, and instant messaging: long distance relationships suck. All this fancy technology is supposed to be great for keeping in touch and being able to stay connected, but it certainly has its limits. At times it would be difficult to appreciate the romance as we gazed lovingly at a pixelated image that is supposed to be representative of each other, and cuddling with our cell phones and laptops as I fall asleep each night left something to…

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Self-Confidence.

A friend of mine recently challenged me (through Facebook) to post 5 pictures of myself that I feel pretty in. I’m so happy that I was included, particularly because I mentioned yesterday in my post that I had been feeling pretty self-concious over the past year with gaining weight. Feel free to take this challenge and post it on your Facebook/ Website/ Blog/ Instagram. This is about building self-confidence and propping not only women up but even men, and most of all yourself. Stay beautiful and stay you. I posted a bit of a caption below each photo to explain…

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Gradumacated.

It’s weird being officially done undergrad. It has been a bumpy five year ride that for sure. I’m so thankful for many of the people that have come into and may have left my life. I truly believe that everyone comes into your life for one reason or another and I’m glad to have had the opportunity to have met as many people as I have had the chance to meet. It was incredibly inspiring to have been at the same ceremony as Dr. Amartya Sen as he received his honorary doctorate degree. Having taken so many Global Studies courses…

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Forgiveness.

There’s been quite a bit on my mind lately, but there’s always been one reoccurring thought that has consistently returned to me over the past few months. Betrayal. How does one look into they eyes of someone that has once betrayed them and forgive them. I guess I would assume the answer is time and pushing someone out of your life or mind, but what happens when that person comes back into your life to ask for forgiveness? Do you forgive them going down the morally acceptable route or forgive them out of fear that it’s “essentially” the only way to…

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Approaching someone you care about.

I think one of the toughest things to grasp is trying to figure out how to help someone you think may have depression. I’ve been thinking about it a lot lately as I feel that someone very close to me has been struggling a lot lately. I have also been told by countless amounts of people of their own struggles with “confronting” a roommate, friend, or family member. The question I suppose is how do you go up to someone you care about and explain to them that they may have a form of mental illness? It’s not an easy…

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Farewell Dear Angel

Yesterday the world truly lost a special person. Normally I wouldn’t write a blog about this, but I truly think the world is a little less bright today. I learned that my friend and fellow peer guide Francis passed away from a brief illness. It honestly feels like a punch to the heart, i feel so sick to my stomach. Like the universe is playing some cruel joke. I can’t imagine what his family would be going through at this time. I send my condolences as we all try to navigate this difficult time. I was lucky to spend time…

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