I’m Depressed And Employed: How I Make It Work.

Since I was 15, I’ve been dealing with depression. I’m not talking about the blues, sadness, or simply the Mondays, but suffocating, full-blown depression—the kind that leaves you empty and hurting all at the same time.

Throughout early adulthood, I had to constantly force myself to go to high school, college, and eventually, a full-time job. But then at 19, I was diagnosed with bipolar and things got even more complicated, adding mania, anxiety, and rapid cycling to the mix of symptoms. It seemed impossible to be productive, and there have been countless days, weeks, and even months when I worried I would lose my job to the all-consuming force of my depression.

In 2013, MacMillan published Perfect Chaos, a memoir co-written by me and my mother, detailing my struggles with depression and her efforts to be there for me. Over the years, I’ve become an expert in my own symptoms and the hows and whys of leading a productive life under these conditions. And while the conversation is being brought further and further out of the dark with each person that decides to speak up, I’d like to offer up some practical advice that’s served me well, because here’s the thing, dear reader: In my many moments of debilitating depression, I have not once lost my job, nor even been reprimanded. Here’s how I make sure to take care of myself within the context of getting out of bed to go to work every day, even when it seems impossible:

1.     I create the quickest morning routine possible, one painful, brilliant step at a time. The night before, I take a shower and choose an outfit. One that makes me feel comfortable, smart, and capable—that just says, “Yes, that’s me, a total badass. I got this.” The next morning, I dress, apply mascara and a bright punch of lipstick, and then I leave. No time to climb back into my closet trying to find body acceptance in a state of morning confusion. Out the door in fifteen minutes flat. No excuses.

2.     Once I arrive at work,  it’s time to make a daily task list. Tasks in general feel utterly impossible when you are depressed. The word “task” makes you want to cry on your desk. But this is important: I ask myself what needs to get done and what I can get done. I break each overwhelming, essential task down to the smallest possible steps and write an in-depth to-do list. Then I only focus on that task. I don’t allow myself to look further down the list. Once I manage that first task, I force myself to do two things: proudly revel in my success and—this is crucial—take a five-minute break.

3.   Next—and this is the hard one—I decide if I need to inform my supervisor. Because depression is constantly recurring in my life, it’s important to let my supervisor know I have a chronic illness. On those days when I do call in, he knows it’s valid. This is also something that you can discuss with your HR manager. Your supervisor doesn’t need to know the gritty details of your struggles; they simply need to know that you are experiencing a health struggle and that you are doing your best to work to your highest ability. You may need to present a doctor’s note to HR, but management may surprise you and support you beyond your expectations.

4.     Lastly, at the end of that exhausting day, I do my best to prepare for the next day and attempt some exercise (those endorphins do help!). Most importantly, I celebrate my victory. When you are depressed, the most powerful thing you can do for yourself is celebrate each accomplishment. You got out of bed; I’m so proud of you! You ate food; you are killing it! You stayed at work for a whole eight hours; you are a superstar! Never stop praising these steps, and slowly but surely you will find your way back out of that hole into the productive light of day.

Reposted from: https://www.girlboss.com/girlboss/2017/3/22/ive-had-depression-since-i-was-15-heres-how-i-handle-it-when-it-comes-to-my-career

A Journey of Self-Discovery.

I spoke to a friend of mine a few nights ago, someone who I had the pleasure of knowing for a limited time but has made a huge impact on me tonight. He reminded me that you can’t compare a dime to a nickel. It put things into perspective for me to be reminded that I have so much to offer the world and to others, I can’t let things continue to hold me back because of my fears.

He told me to check out an inspiring documentary on Netflix called- “Tony Robbins- I am not your Guru”. At first I was skeptical of the whole “life coach” idea, i’m not into the whole “guru” and “10 steps to being happy” bullcrap that is often cycled in our society, giving people false hope that there are “no weeds out there” and “life is all happy and dandy all the freaking time”.  It’s the confidence in his voice that first strikes you and the bluntness he presents his way of thinking. Take this quote, one of the first things you hear when he speaks to an individual who is depressed.


One quote that struck me like a bullet in the film was this:

“If you’re going to blame people for all of the #@!& then you better blame them for all the good too”- Tony Robbins

We’re all guilty of it. We all look to blame others when something goes wrong in our life or our shortcomings as individuals. But none of us ever stop to blame someone for the good that happens because of them.

Blaming for the Negative: “Oh I failed my exam because I spent too much time with you”
Blaming for the Positive: “Thank you for showing me what unconditional love is”

I think one of the things I took out from the documentry was the recurring theme that in almost all situations, a person’s parents have had a significant contribution to their view of the world. Almost all the challenges that participants raised started with something we learned as a child from our parents, both the good or the bad. It’s when we start to  challenge these views we get from our parents, then change starts to begin.

I think one of the most powerful but simple exercises presented in the film was the flood exercise. In which the point is to look back on events that have happened in the past that carries pain. These are the moments in our past that hold us back and it is only when we revisit them that we can remake new decisions on what the moments actually mean. I think for me one of the most painful events was the experience of rejection from people I cared about growing up. I was always too hard on myself and never gave myself the love I deserved. I always took it to heart that in order to feel loved you have to be loved by someone else. Thinking about it, the only person that should make you feel deserving of love is yourself. Having someone else love you is a bonus. I spend so much time thinking about how to please other people, that I never stop to think about “how do I please Megan?”. It’s now when i’ve started to let go of these feelings of being rejected (and the fear of it), that I feel like i’m can start the process of moving forward. But to create these moments of change you have to flood your body and experience all the emotions. Put your hand on your heart, what a powerful organ. It’s the beating force of our entire life, and it’s thumping changes tempo based on how we feel.

It’s well known that all of us in life have small problems that we want to get rid of. One young lady opens about her problem with her diet and how she feels she fails to eat at the right times. Initially, it seems like a trivial challenge, but as Tony digs a little deeper, it becomes evident that small problems are often mask much bigger problems. When Tony keeps drilling her as to why and who she is doing all of this for she reveals that it’s her dad’s drug problem that has affected her the most growing up. Tony points out the fact that we all have problems but for some reason we all feel that we shouldn’t have any.

What many of us fail to realize is that without problems, there is nowhere to grow from and nothing to drive us forward to make better decisions that will change our model of the world. When we focus on the little problems like diet, we really use it as a mechanism to stay away from the big scary problems, which in the end just holds us back.

I’ve been struggling so deeply with my depression over the past few months and not only trying to understand so many things happening around me but also people around me. I’m angry at myself for letting myself get walked over, for taking crap I should never have taken, and for giving my control to someone else. Why did I spend so much time trying to please someone else and work on making them happy, when the truth is happiness starts within yourself and knowing what you want, and never once did I step back and examine what I needed. I’ve always been motivated, hard-working, and passionate about making a difference in everything around me, but overtime I let someone else slowly take away my shine and drown me into someone who became confused about what I seemingly knew I wanted, made me double think things I was sure about, drained my confidence, and question what my values were. I loved this person, and there’s a part of me that still does, but there come’s a point where I needed to learn to stand up for myself and take my power and happiness back into my hands. No one can expect someone else to make them feel truly happy and I know the only way people can learn to be happy is by learning to be happy on my own. We’re all the master’s of our future, and while I believe in the concept of fate, I also know we have some control over our destined paths.

Do yourself a HUGE favour and watch it with an open mind. You can’t lose and if anything you’ll take at least one thing out of the film. I should warn you to be prepared for massive lows and then for highs that you never thought you would feel watching a documentary.


Motivation in 20 Minutes.

Honestly. I’ve been so into motivational speeches lately and why do I do things the way I do and how can I do it better. If you’re not developing and growing as an individual, you’re dying. I’m always seeking to better my potential and figure out how is it that I can better myself to better the people around me. I love being inspired, am drawn to finding success and unlocking my own happiness, and enjoy the puzzle of trying to build a better Me. Sometimes, I get stuck or put myself in a position where I don’t know how to change things or wonder why when I do something it’s not fulfilling enough.

“If you do what you’ve always done, you’ll get what you’ve always gotten.”

– Tony Robbins

I’m not into the cuddly, fluffy, bull crap that’s often tied to life coaching. So I was skeptical to hear of Tony Robbins from my friend who had also gone through so difficult times in his life. I love the use of taboo language, it shocks you back into reality and that’s what makes him such an enticing public speaker.

For those too lazy to watch the video (although I encourage you to watch it!), here are some quick notes:

  • Decision is the ultimate power: Decisions shape destiny; Decisions shape our culture.  You can get emotional fitness and psychological strength.
  • Two primary forces that shape us:
    • Our State:  Physical/Emotional. If we get the right emotion, we can motivate ourselves to do anything (ex. if you’re creative enough, if you’re fun enough).
    • Long-term: Our model of the world (our filter), the shaper of meaning, emotion and action. That’s what’s shaping us. That’s what makes people make decisions.
  • The defining factor is never resources (Time, Money, Technology, Contacts, Experience, Management) – its resourcefulness (Emotion, Creativity, Determination, Love & Caring, Curiosity, Passion)
  • 6 Human Needs. Robbins says our 6 human needs are: certainty, uncertainty, significance, connection, growth, contribution. We have a need for certainty until we are certain, and then we need surprise and variety.  We have a need to stand out and be significant and make our mark on the world, but we also have a need to blend in and be part of the crowd.  We have a need to experience growth and to make our contribution and give back to others.

As individuals we all have the ability to make a positive impact in our communities, workplaces, and across the world, and it’s all up to us, as individuals, to overcome our fears to reach that potential.





Stress Analyst

Feeling a tad bit stressed today?

Check out this website I came upon today that I thought I would share with everyone.


This interactive page will walk you through the steps of how to calm down and get over the anxious/worried feelings you may be feeling a bit overwhelmed with.

Take it as an analyzation of your thoughts and stressors.

Whats even better is that it is completely anonymous and your use of the website helps research in the sense they can track your stress levels to see how effective the program really is.

You don’t even have to be experiencing stress right now, the website allows you to pick whether you would like help to deal with a stressful event or whether you want to just browse the website and have a look.




"Depression is NOT a Mental Illness"


This is a post I happened to find awhile ago, but I kept forgetting to share about the misconceptions about depression. Take some time to read the short blog entry and feel free to share!

Feel free to let me know your thoughts or share other articles you may have come across, it’s been awhile since i’ve updated and heard from anyone following my blog 🙂


It’s physical

This is a short article that I wish to get out there because it constantly irritates me about the many misconceptions regarding depression, what it is and who gets it. I want to begin by asking a simple question.

What is the difference between depression and food poisoning?

I’ll tell you.

With food poisoning you can phone in sick to work and your boss will allow you to have a day or two off with no questions asked. Have you ever tried to phone in sick with depression? I bet most of you haven’t, mainly because you just KNOW that your boss won’t believe you, let alone be ok with it.

So you make up a ‘real’ illness – you know, one that everyone can relate to

How about when your friend asks you how you are feeling today? With food poisoning you can straight out tell them what is wrong and you will get sympathy in return. Tell them you are feeling down and all you’ll probably get is a ‘well cheer up, it can’t be that bad’.

It’s at this point you fantasise about punching them in the face.

The media, bless ’em, do their best to paint any form of mental illness in a positive light. Explaining that depression, anxiety, addiction and anything related to those three are now legitimate diseases that deserve the same respect and attention as anything physical.

Well thanks but the last I heard, the brain was a part of the body, and a damn important one at that.

As long as we treat an illness of the brain as something different from the rest of the body then it will never receive the same amount of attention.

Unless you have experienced it, you can never truly understand

How many of you have a tail? You know, like a monkey. If you haven’t (which I hope is everyone), can you imagine what it is like to grip a branch or maybe just swing it back and forth? It’s impossible isn’t it?

We’ve never had one so that’s not surprising.

Depression is similar to that. If it’s something that you have never experienced then you can try as hard as you want, but you will never truly know what it feels like.

Are you having a bad day? Nope that’s not depression.

Are you bummed out because that girl/guy you like has just rejected your advances? Nope that’s not depression.

Have you spent all week in a foul mood because your favourite team has lost a cup final? Nope that’s not depression either.

It isn’t a change in mood related to a trivial life event. If your whole world is slowly being turned upside down because of what is happening inside your mind then you may well be depressed. If these thoughts have been present for several weeks or months then yes, you may be depressed.

There is a big difference between feeling down and having depression and this brings me to my next point.

You cannot just ‘snap out of it’ or ‘pull yourself together’

I like analogies so steady your hats because here comes another one.

Depression is like trying to run through water and being told to get over it is akin to suddenly being able to move like you can on dry land. It’s impossible. You can grit your teeth and attempt to get some momentum going but ultimately the density will prevent you from moving quickly.

When depression has its grip on you, life becomes water. The air around you becomes water, crushing you with its weight and even the simplest tasks become difficult. You feel sluggish, both mentally and physically and nothing can snap you out of it.

You have essentially become trapped inside your own prison and true access to your brain lies behind that locked door. Sometimes, briefly, you are allowed outside to stretch your legs but you know this is temporary. Eventually you will have to return to your cell and wait patiently for a time when you are given another opportunity to function like a normal member of society.

There is no choice in the matter. All we can do is take advantage of our good days and try to minimise the effect our bad days have on us.

Here is what I want you to do

If you have ever experienced any form of depression, anxiety or addiction then please share this article via your social media. The more people that understand, the less stressful and easier our lives will become.